Ann Owed Two the Spelling Checker

My Dad sent me this delightful email today!

 

 Joshua appeared to have great confidence in spell checkers this morning, so he will be interested to read this:

Ann Owed Two the Spelling Checker

(Original source unknown)

 This entire poem ran through my spelling checker (Microsoft Word 5.1 for Macintosh) without a single mistake being caught:

Eye have a spelling checker
It came with my Pea Sea
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weight
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two read,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule
The checker pours o’er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Be fore a veiling checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And it were lacks or have a laps,
We wood be maid to wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft ware four pea seas,
And why I brake in two averse
By righting want too pleas.

 (PS US Spell Chequers will catch cheque)

Erica was amused about English words that are similar; well, how about this:

Why the English Language is Hard to Learn

• The bandage was wound around the wound.
• The farm was used to produce produce.
• The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
• We must polish the Polish furniture.
• He could lead if he would get the lead out.
• The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
• Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
• A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
• When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
• I did not object to the object.
• The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
• There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
• They were too close to the door to close it.
• The buck does strange things when the does are present.
• A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
• To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
• The wind was too strong for us to wind the sail.
• After a number of injections my jaw got number.
• Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
• I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
• How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

 Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

 We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

 If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

 One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

 Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you can comb through annals of history but not a single annal?

 If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of either one of them, what do you call it?

 If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

 By the way, how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

 How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

 Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?

 Or met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?

 And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? Where did the beauty who was OUT OF THIS WORLD go?

 You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

 English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).

 That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible. However, when the lights are out, they are invisible.

 Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

 And lastly, why do we have to hit the START button first to STOP running 'Windows'!!?!

 Confusion, thy name is English!

 Love Dad / Granddad