The following in an excerpt from the diary of James Smith:
March, 1943.
This day my convictions of sin are deep--and my
discovery of my follies is painful. It is in reference
to prayer and watchfulness, that I principally fail.
How much I require to humble me, empty me, and keep me in my
proper place! How often do I perceive that but for the
Lord's keeping--I would be undone! I
cannot be trusted for one moment! I see it, I
feel it, I confess it before God; and yet if others were
to say so of me, or to me--how would my pride be hurt!
What a mercy have I found the
throne of grace, yesterday
and today! I know not when I visited it so often. O that I was
as powerfully drawn to it by love--as I am driven
to it by trouble!
I feel more like a child--as to wisdom, prudence,
strength, and courage--than I ever did, for I seem to have none!
O that I felt as much like a child--in reference to confidence,
dependence, and love to my Heavenly Father!
O that I was thoroughly holy, truly wise, really prudent--then I
think I would be happy, and make others happy!
It grieves me, that I not only procure trouble to myself--but
that I trouble others; and if God were to withhold His grace--I
would do but little else! However, God has promised grace--and
grace will pardon what it does not prevent. But
the pardon is often preceded by bitter experience, arising from
conviction, self-reproach, fear, darkness, bondage, and distance
from God. O for preventing grace--as well as pardoning
grace!
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